Winter Wildfire

Sometimes our great mother earth will light herself on fire, burning down her own forests until all that remains are the ashes of ancient trees. It’s thought that sometimes she does this on purpose, for when the tallest trees spread themselves across the sky, they deprive the shaded forest ground of its precious sun food, creating an imbalance throughout the delicate ecosystem. After the wild fire reduces the jungle to the ground, life begins to rise from the ashes, thriving on the nutrient rich soil created from the death of the old. In time, it blossoms into a more diverse, harmonious and higher functioning network of species. What seems to have been a devastating fire becomes a fruitful life investment for mama earth’s valuable forest communities. The destruction becomes the catalyst for a beautiful rebirth of an entire ecological body.

I like to think that this is what has happened in my body over the past 5 months. I have set fire to an overgrowth of cells, ill emotions, habits, beliefs and thoughts. I retreated inside myself as winter dawned its heavy robes, allowing death to take its place so that life may sprout from the rich fertilizer of destruction. These last months have been a time of quiet introspection and surrender. Like the caterpillar wrapped in the solitude of her cocoon, stretching and expanding, wriggling with pains of growth, waiting for the sun to draw her out from the tightly threaded walls to emerge into her true and magnificent form. 

Well little darlin', here comes the sun. Doo n’ doo doo!

Spring swells outside my bear cave, luring me from my hibernation, birthing me back into the world as a new person. The seeds that I have planted along the path of my journey are now budding, and the wild flowers of experience, knowledge and wisdom that I have sought are blossoming. 

Today I am cancer free. My latest scan is clear of ominous dark spots, showing no abnormalities.  My gratitude is overwhelming. I am grateful for each ingredient that nourished the body of my awakening—for the paths that lead me through despair and hope; struggle and freedom. Through jungles and oceans, healing foods and plant medicines, yogic awakenings and gardening salvations, lost in song as I found my voice, freeing vitality through creativity, expanding understanding of energy and movement, moments magnified in deep mediation, and the strong hands, words, guidance and support of so many people who devoted their time, gifts, love, laughter (and finances) to aid in this healing.

I cannot give credit to one healing modality without commending them all, for I believe it was the integration of everything I did that saved my life--each one leading me to the next. That said, I would like to offer my gratitude to the remedies and heroes of Western medicine. While I still strongly believe it takes and all-inclusive, wholeistic approach to heal, I must give credit to the transformation that I have encountered in my walk though chemotherapy. It continues to astound me (and I still have one month left!) I am humbled to happiness. 

While the tumors may be gone, the healing will continue. Life is a daily practice of letting go and making room to grow. Cancer has taught me to love living in a constant state of receiving life’s lessons. It has shown me how to be gentle with this fragile body and life I inhabit, which has in turn taught me how to be more compassionate toward others. It continues to teach me the power of gratitude. No matter what the situation, with graciousness, we find peace; for grace is our love poured over what matters most to us, and the more we give the more we receive. Most of all, cancer has taught me to live for today because it gave me the opportunity to question my tomorrows. When the future is uncertain and the past has been burned to ashes, the only place to be is right now. And right now, there is no place I’de rather be.

Never Say Never

This blog was meant to tell a story—a tale of my journey into the unexplored spaces of myself in search of healing and resolution. Ultimately, the story of how I slay the demons dwelling within, the ones that 2 years ago doctors decided to call “cancer.” But this story has taken a turn that I did not anticipate… and it has brought me to my knees. Honestly, I didn’t want to continue telling the story, and even considered deleting my blog page and crawling into the safe refuge of solitude. But it wouldn’t be very courteous of me to just stop right in the middle of the story without letting you know how it ends, now would it? So here is what happened next…

When I returned home from Bali I felt amazing—light, clean, happy, healthy and changed. Like I was breathing new air. The amount of healing and transformation that happened in the 7½ months that I lived in the ashram was more than could be comprehended. But while I was so acutely aware of all that had changed, I also knew that the transformation was not nearly finished. I still felt an icy spot deep within that had yet to be thawed in order to complete the healing process with the cancer. I knew the fight was not over, but it was extremely difficult to admit to myself and others because I had worked so hard and wanted that freedom more than anything. I denied that ominous feeling week after week until I could no longer. My neck started visibly swelling like never before and I reluctantly dragged myself to a doctor. After several tests, the results came back showing Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Once again I was diagnosed with cancer, this time a little more critical. I was distressed, but not surprised. And I knew I had a choice to make…

Something strange happened at this point. That same intuitive sensation that so strongly rejected allopathic treatments in the first place reared its head once more, but this time asserting something entirely different. Before the doctors told me anything, I knew that if I didn’t do conventional treatment now, I would die. This didn’t at all change my adverse views on western internal medicine, but the feeling was something could I not ignore. This left me with a very difficult question:

Am I willing to die to stand up for my beliefs?

While I still have faith in the healing methods I have discovered, something immediate and drastic needs to be done to stop the rapidly progressing abnormal cell growth in my body. What I purposefully did not mention throughout this entire blog is the ironic fact that Hodgkin’s is one of the most curable cancers with conventional therapies (over 90% cure rate in early stages). This is something I was forced to consider. While I don’t fear death, it seems foolish, and even selfish, to give up this life so early when I am given another option that has been proven to work. While I may not agree with how it works, it seems to be the drastic decision needed to kick this cancer out of my body. So I guess it’s time to break out the big guns.

This week I start chemotherapy. I don’t know why, but it does not feel wrong like it did before. It feels like I am making the choice to live.

Now the greatest challenge is battling the feeling of defeat that dwells and swells within me. I wanted to prove that we can heal ourselves without doctors and pharmaceuticals; that nature can put our dis-ease at ease; that love heals all. While I still believe all of those things, I am also opening my eyes to the powerful forces of healing that western medicine provides for our current time and culture. Fatefully, these options are readily available to me. So I take the blow to my pride, letting it rip through my ego, shredding the once-concrete notions I had of myself and the world. I have discovered, however, that the breaking of the ego is the greatest step humans must take in their healing journeys. For it is the best way to get closer to our true selves hidden beneath.

So the story continues…

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Since the moment I embarked on this spiritual journey, my faith in my healing has been greater than my fear of death. This was not always the case for my mom and many other people that have heard my story. But after watching my mom laugh uncontrollably as the Energy worked through her, moving and contorting her body in ways she never knew possible, I saw that she finally felt the power of this medicine that is healing me. It is this energy medicine that has cemented me to my faith in the deep healing that can happen outside the confines of conventional western medicine. I now see that this faith has been instilled in my mom, the person I most needed to believe in what I am doing. Without realizing it, I needed her blessing to complete the last leg of my healing, and with that I was able to release the guilt I have felt for following my own beliefs and rejecting those of a person I love so deeply. After she witnessed me living so freely and blissfully, laughing more than I ever have and looking happier and healthier than ever before, I knew she understood why my soul had lead me to this practice. What’s more, she now understands that with this medicine, I am healing myself.

As I reflect back to over a year ago, when my battle to heal myself first began, I felt like I was crawling through a dark cave, unable to see where I was going and struggling to find an out. I knew my mom wanted to help me, but we couldn’t see each other in the darkness and I felt lost and separated from her. What I didn’t see was that this cave is lined with precious sparkling gemstones to remind me of the beauty of this journey. And now that I have come to an opening, the light has seeped in, illuminating my path to freedom and engulfing me in the luminous splendor of the miraculous crystals that have been there all along. In this light I also see that my mom is right next to me fighting, and has been there the whole time.

The Battle of our Lifetimes

Since the day I was diagnosed with cancer, I was tossed into battle against some of the strongest forces known to present day man. I stood by myself against the most powerful institution in America—the medical industry; I fought uphill against pharmaceutical companies and doctors. What´s more, I went head first into war with my own demons, which, in a lot of ways, is harder than fighting the demons of the western medical world. But of all the battles I have fought, one of the most challenging has been the one against my own mother.

My mom is an oncology nurse, and works in the very field that I rejected entirely in order to seek a deeper healing on the soul level. I have little faith in the type of medicine that she practices, and she has a hard time fully agreeing with the type that I practice, consequently dividing us over a matter that we, as a mother and daughter, should never have to argue about: my life.

This clash in beliefs has continued since the day that we sat in that sterile doctor´s office together as a bald, stiff-necked man in a white lab coat told me in a monotone voice and emotionless face that the lump in my throat was not, in fact, benign. I didn´t hear anything after he said the word “cancer.” But my mom held on to the details and numbers as if the syllables themselves could save me. I spent the following week in a tumultuous internal battle between following the strongly recommended advice of my mother and doctor, or listening to the voice that was screaming from within myself to find another way. When I told her I had made the decision to decline chemotherapy and follow my soul, it felt like the world crumbled around us as we began the battle of our lifetime with tears in our eyes and weight on our hearts.

However, since I have been practicing this medicine of love day in and day out for several months now, I have come to see that this is not actually a battle that we are engaging in, but a dance—a waltz in which both of us want to lead, but neither of us know the steps. This is a dance that we have done for many lifetimes and I believe that this is our opportunity to finally clean ourselves of this karmic pattern. Perhaps for now we dance separately, until the time comes when our steps harmonize, allowing fluidity and peace to replace the once unsynchronized movement of our moral disagreement.

That day is coming soon. Against the probabilities, my mother is coming to Bali to visit me in the ashram not only see, but participate in the healing practice that has saved my life. She will experience the profound transformational therapy that I have lived and breathed for that last four months of my life. This is tearing down the wall that I tried to demolish since the beginning, helping her to see that my healing looks different than the way she saw it happening. But this outcome will be most fruitful since I have listened to the guidance of the only doctor that knows how to heal me best: my soul. I don’t expect this to change her medical beliefs, but I know that once she experiences the magic of this practice she will be able to believe in the miracles that happen here everyday. I am one of them.

The Rebirth

When we are born into this world, we come out head first screaming and crying. For we know that to be incarnated into a human body is a difficult task and to live this life is no easy mission. But in our lives we are given the remarkable opportunity to be reborn over and over again; we just have to become aware of these opportunities and take them. Ratu talks a lot about our rebirth as human beings, and when we come into our bodies for the second time, we aren’t crying. We are laughing! For it is laughter that creates such a high vibration which is a medicine for us, dissipating all darkness and negativity within us and around us. When we laugh we clean ourselves of the dark energies that have trapped themselves in our bodies, and with this cleaning comes a feeling of freedom that I can only explain as a rebirth.  

So it is here that I have been reborn, tumbling out into this world head first and laughing with every cell in my being. I have never been so happy in my life. Two weeks ago I shaved my head. My long hair that I have hid behind for so long had become heavy with the weight of the last 5 years of sickness, and it was the last part of myself that I needed to let go of to complete my rebirth process. So I started over fresh, with nothing weighing me down, and gave my hair as an offering for my health. I think it is so important, especially as a cancer survivor, for me to break everything in my life down to nothing so that it can grow back again healthy and strong. This is exactly what chemotherapy does; I have just done it without the chemicals…

The most essential aspect of the rebirth for each of us as individuals and for our species as a whole is the breaking down of the ego. Our mind is what makes us sick in the first place, and in order to clean ourselves to come into this world new again, we must escape the thoughts that trap us in our dis-eases. I believe this shedding of the ego is the final frontier in our expedition to awakening fully to the light.

I have changed so tremendously since I moved here. I have learned to simply act out of love in each moment, instead of react to everything. I have an overwhelming feeling of peace and gratitude for each day that I live. And my body has never been so physically healthy. All of the symptoms of sickness that have plagued my body for so long have left and I feel free spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. And above all, I am happy. So incredibly happy. And that, my friends, is the most powerful medicine of all. As Ratu always says, there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.

Life is Beautiful

There are days when I feel like I’ve been here for years, lifetimes even. The changes that have occurred within me are becoming more and more obvious each day. While I continue to find myself slipping through the quick sands of time, I have finally come to understand what it feels like to truly be present in the moment and enjoy every last drop of the sweet nectar of this life. Last night I stood watching the sun sink below the Balinese horizon, tie dying the sky with the most brilliant pinks, purples and oranges, and for the first time in my life, I felt so alive with the understanding that God is in everything. Later I realized that the feeling I had had came from me being able to fully step out of my mind and connect with the farthest reaches of my soul. Each day I brave the cold showers, hundreds of mosquito bites and the sore muscles and joints to have this feeling, even if it only lasts a moment. For in that moment, I feel that I am absolutely one with everything.

I am really finding my home here. I have connected with some amazing people on levels so deep I can see us dancing through past lifetimes together. I have started painting again and creating things I had no idea I could produce. I sing and play guitar in the little downtime that I have, and during the week I teach, which is what my heart has always longed to do. I teach English to the small kids three times a week and I teach short yoga classes twice a day. I feel like I have become part of this wonderful, loving family that lives here, and accepted into a culture so vastly different from my own.

Last week my body started processing something that I have been challenged with since the day I was born. Since the moment I came into the world, my lungs have been the physical and emotional center that takes the burden when I get sick. At birth I couldn’t breathe on my own, and throughout my life I have suffered from pneumonia or bronchitis, leaving me trapped in the fear of not being able to breathe.  So here I have started the process of cleaning out my lungs, which on the outside looks like I am sick again, but I know that this is profoundly different. For each time I wheeze or cough up fluids, I know that I am cleaning out and allowing sickness to leave my body. That doesn’t mean that I will never have a cold again, but it signifies that this darkness that has been trapped in my lungs since the day I was born will finally be set free, and it will be gone for good.

I have seen countless miracles happen here; people who have cured anything from depression to broken bones to HIV and hepatitis C. There is nothing that the Energy can’t heal if we allow it to and we do the work. I now watch in wonder as my own miracles unfold before my very eyes.

Om Swastiastu Ratu Bagus

Ya Se Fue

My time in Bali has been filled with so much love and light, but also with some intense work with the deep negative emotions that have dwelled within my being throughout this life. But this is how it works—we must allow and process these darker emotions in order to clear them and live freely. It has to come up to come out.

How different this is from Western medicine. In our conventional practices, we do things to “fix” the problem, instead of allowing it to surface fully and process through it. We take medications to make the pain and the sickness go away, when really these ailments are our body’s way of trying to release something. By suppressing the problem, we cannot clear it, and it will return worse or in another part of our body or mind.

Ratu (the Guru I have been working with) has taught me many valuable lessons, but the one teaching that has rung loud and clear through it all is that our soul is always well. For the soul is connected with the Infinite, the Universe, the Great Source, or as some would say, God. So to connect entirely with our soul is to tap into this infinite source of energy and light, putting us in perfect harmony with all that is and ever was. This is how we live freely of all dis-ease. So in this sense, we can trust that a part of us is always well, we only have to align with that. It is here that I am learning to do that, which has brought me to the greater understanding that I am already well; the cancer is already gone. Ya se fue.

As simple as this concept may be, the practice is difficult at times. We work hard to clear our bodies of dark energies. We shake every day, three times a day, for two hours each time. The shaking helps to move energy quickly, allowing us to feel the fear, anger, sadness and sickness and then move through it in a healthy way, rapidly liberating us from our ailments. The most difficult part of the practice is stepping out of our mind. Ratu says that the mind is the umbrella that shades us from the light that can heal us. When we can surrender, slipping out of our minds and into our bodies, then the real work can be done. This is much easier said than done. ..

I have decided to stay here for a while and see how deep I can really go. So much has happened in these three short weeks, I can’t imagine what can happen in three more months. In doing this work, I often think of the lotus flower. This magnificent blossom only opens itself in the most putrid and dark swamp environments. So out of these dark and contaminated places comes one of the most beautiful creations of nature. As I learn to open and radiate my petals, I am reminded that sometimes the most beautiful blossoms of light come out of the darkest and least expected places.  

The Last War Trail

I have been called to battle. In my life, I have faced armies of darkness that have outnumbered me, and my body has suffered an illness for having fought relentlessly for so long. But all that is about to change.

In old western movies, one would lay their ear to the ground to listen for the triumphant rumble of the  awaited cavalry coming from the distance. This is the same victorious sound that I hear. I have called for backup and my troops of light are arriving. While this battle against cancer may have been a tumultuous one, there is one thing that remains clear beyond all doubt.

I will win this war.

When the Levee Breaks

Throughout this blog I have focused mainly on my own healing journey, but I would like to acknowledge that this isn’t just about me. It’s about you. And every human on this earth. For we, as beings on this planet at this time, have something to heal, and it is becoming overwhelmingly obvious. People are sick. The majority of this country is on some sort of medication, plagued by mental, emotional and physical dis-ease. We hear more about debt, divorce, depression, poverty, pollution, sickness and war than we do about community, trust and love. We are quickly reaching a population that this earth cannot sustain. In a realistic forecast, the future is bleak. But in this illusive tunnel vision, there is a light at the end. For if it keeps on raining, the levee is gonna break. Contrary to what one may think, this is the good news. For I believe that we must get hit by the tidal wave of darkness to be able to see which direction there is light. We must heal together, as a tribe. So with my healing, I heal you, and with your healing, you heal me, and with our healing, we heal all.

I am about to embark on the pilgrimage that I have been waiting for since the beginning of this healing odyssey, perhaps the beginning of this life. I leave this week for Bali, where I will spend the winter solstice and the following few months living in an ashram and working with a Balinese guru named Ratu Bagus. This man does not call himself a healer, for he believes that each person is their own healer, and the healing is ultimately up to each individual. He has an incredible understanding of energy, and in the short time that I have studied from him I have come to understand one very important thing: everything is energy. He talks about how humans will often incur certain energetic blocks throughout the body, which result in dis-ease. This is something that resonates so strongly with me because I have believed since day one that this cancer is merely a manifestation of blocked energy, producing what doctors would call a tumor. Of course Ratu has the solution for ridding the body of these blocks. It’s called Bio-energetic Shaking Meditation (or simply ‘shaking’) and it is exactly what it sounds like. I’ll post a movie here for those who want to see more, but in essence, it is a means of rapidly and effectively moving energy in one’s own body, with out the help of anyone else. While it may look strange, it is one of the most powerful things I have ever done.

So I am going to this ashram to shake for many hours each day and energetically break the levees in my body, allowing the energy to flow freely, and liberating myself of the blocks that have caused illness. With this trip, I take a step out of the tunnel and into the light, where I surrender to the love of the Universe and truly allow the healing to happen. This is it, y'all.

I don’t know if the end of the world will arrive with this solstice, but I do believe that a drastic change is happening—for me, for this planet, and for all the beings on it. We are all in it together.

…The mountains and the canyons start to tremble and shake

as the children of the sun begin to awake…

-Led Zeppelin

Lessons in Love

In the last several weeks, I have gone through more than can be said in one blog entry. But one thing has become profoundly clear with the time that has passed. The power of love is greater than cancer.

Cancer is not just a tumor. Cancer is the manifestation of certain dark energies that have attached themselves to my body. This may take the form of negative emotions, such as anger or guilt; or perhaps it’s the fear that slithers its sly tentacles into my psyche, paralyzing me and blinding me from the truth; or maybe it’s simply the evil energies that exist in this world that want to keep me from radiating my light. In any case, cancer is a lack of love. Well I got news for you, cancer. The gig is up. I am finally learning to love myself. True love must always begin within ourselves.

The greatest part about cancer is that it has shown me the exact places that I need to start. When we are sick, the illness manifests in certain parts of our bodies. This is the body’s way of telling us to pay attention to this area, for there is something to be learned and released. How incredibly intelligent our bodies are. In my years of being sick, I have noticed patterns. I am often attacked in my lungs and my throat, making it hard for me to breathe, speak and sing. From this I understand that these are the exact weaknesses that I must strengthen. So I learn to deeply breathe in every drop of life and fully exhale all that does not serve me. I try to speak my truths, and sing my songs, and not be concerned with what anyone else thinks. This is how I am learning to love myself.

It has been almost a year since I was diagnosed, and to track my progress, I had a PET scan done last week. The results were interesting. The part of the tumor that had weaseled its way into my chest and around my heart had retreated, leaving my chest clear. While there are still other lymph nodes in my neck that doctors are concerned about, I have physical evidence that the work I have done in the past year has freed my heart. How’s that for the power of love.

I believe there are two ways to live life: In fear, or in faith. I have chosen faith. Faith that I am on the right path, faith that I am healing, and faith that I will overcome this darkness and go on and help other people overcome theirs. Above all, I have faith that love always wins.

Como un Río

I have spent so much of my time on this river of life paddling with all my strength against the current. I didn’t even realize how exhausting this truly was until I let go of the paddles, leaned back into the water, and allowed the river carry me as I released all effort, stress and fear. This river of life embraces us as we are pulled through its twists and turns, its rapids and whirlpools, as well as its smooth and clear waters; but the key to enjoying the ride is to surrender to the flow and allow all illusion of control to dissolve into the water along with our worries and judgments. True liberation comes in following the natural, synchronized flow guided by the earth’s forces. Just like the river. Como un río.

I am at a very interesting time in my journey. I have come a long way in my healing and traveled thousands of miles in search of deep understanding and remedy for my ailments. But now everything seems to have quieted. There is a part of me that can’t help but feel that it is a needed calm before a great force of movement; like the stillness that follows the exhale while anticipating the expansion of the next inhale. So here I am. In between breaths.

I leave tomorrow for a trip to California with my soul sister Samantha and our big, sweet dog. We are driving south with only a little money, food, camping gear and clean underwear. We are looking for adventure, perspective, connection and healing. One may not think that this is what a cancer recovery regime looks like, but to me, this trip symbolizes my ability to let go of the reins that I have held onto with white knuckles for so long, and settle with ease into the flow of life. This freedom from stress, frustration, judgment and anxiety has brought me greater healing than I ever could have imagined. I feel unbound and worry free in a time where, in the past, I would have been high on fumes of fear and unease. This serene tranquility has brightened my world, often bringing me to question: What cancer?

Happy (Re)birthday

On September 16^th, 1987, I came into this world after a painfully drawn out and reluctantly induced labor. I did not want to come out. When I finally did make my first appearance, my lungs were not able to function properly, holding me hostage to medical machinery for the first week of my life. Though my survival may have been questioned at first, there was no doubt that I was a fighter, strong enough to pull through as a healthy and determined being, ready to take on the world.

With the arrival of my 25^th birthday I find myself filled with gratitude for the strength and fortune that I was blessed with in this life. In my short time on this planet, I have confronted some of the greatest challenges that many humans will face in their lifetime. With courage I have welcomed the changes that have altered just about every area of my existence. And I have lived to tell the tale.

Today I have much to celebrate. I rejoice my life in each moment and I give thanks to the strength and protection that has helped me fight for my health and happiness. I never for one second doubted that I would beat this cancer and live to see this beautiful day. I have stood my ground against armies of people who do not believe in what I am doing because they do not understand. I have not allowed my fears to ride shotgun on this road trip; I have listened to my heart and spoken my truth, and I have found more healing in doing this than any pharmaceutical could offer. I know I am doing this right.

This year my birthday falls on the new moon. This day is symbolic of renewal and rebirth. A time to stick to our truths and allow all else that does not serve us to be released. How appropriate that I celebrate the passing of year of learning to let go and speak my truth and I emerge into my next chapter of this life transformation. I celebrate this time of rebirth and welcome it with open arms.

La Transformación

It’s hard to put into words what I have experienced over the past three weeks of my life. I have traveled across oceans and countries to find the place deep within myself that I needed to make peace with. And that is exactly what I did. But in order to cultivate the deep transformation I sought, I had to wade through certain dark waters that had flooded my soul over lifetimes. As I fought my way through jungles of my own darkness, there arose moments of anger and frustration for having chosen such a difficult path. Yet I never questioned whether I had chosen the right path. For with each step I took, I was assured I that was headed in the right direction. Eventually, the dark clouds parted, my demons waved their white flags, and I welcomed light into my life. 
It’s time to shine.

I found the medicine I was looking for. I found it in the plants of the ancient jungle; I found it in the hands of the many healers I worked with; in the magical words and songs of the shaman; in the powerful energy of fresh water, air and blessed food; in the ocean’s swells as it cleansed my body and the sun’s rays as it warmed my soul; and in the unconditional love I received from myself and the many beautiful people I stumbled upon in my journey.

I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned. I discovered the power of my voice and was able to sing and speak in a way I never have before. I learned how to accept myself and this world for exactly as it is right now; for it is exactly as it should be. I learned that making plans is useless. Life unfolds the way it will and I have no hold on the reins. Letting go of the idea that I am in control is one of the most freeing feelings of my life. Moreover, I now understand how to receive. Be it help, food, medicine, touch or love, it is essential to be able to whole-heartedly receive the things I need to sustain my own vitality, and not be solely giving out, as I have always done. In truly receiving, we show more gratitude to the giver than words can say.

Above all, I learned the power of love over darkness. Love always wins.

While I still have much more work to do, I feel like I have laid the foundation for greater healing to take place. I have gained a confidence in my work and a drive to keep persevering.

On my last night in Cahuita, a sleepy beach town on the Caribbean coast, I sat with a dear friend on the beach, whispering together in Spanish as we listened to the waves tumble themselves onto the sand and gazed at the thick expanse of glistening stars. As a star whizzed across the sky, I pondered my wish upon the shooting star, but quickly realized, I have nothing to wish for. I have everything I need and everything is perfect. In fact, I have more to be grateful for than I could ever imagine.

With that, I give thanks to everything that has helped me on my journey. To the earth, to the stars, to the Universe and to all the people who have supported and loved me through thick and thin, and helped me get to this beautiful country to do the profound healing that I have done. You know who you are. Finally, I give thanks to my cancer. For it has been the catalyst for the most amazing, transformative journey I could not have dreamed to be anymore beautiful.

Salud.