La Transformación

It’s hard to put into words what I have experienced over the past three weeks of my life. I have traveled across oceans and countries to find the place deep within myself that I needed to make peace with. And that is exactly what I did. But in order to cultivate the deep transformation I sought, I had to wade through certain dark waters that had flooded my soul over lifetimes. As I fought my way through jungles of my own darkness, there arose moments of anger and frustration for having chosen such a difficult path. Yet I never questioned whether I had chosen the right path. For with each step I took, I was assured I that was headed in the right direction. Eventually, the dark clouds parted, my demons waved their white flags, and I welcomed light into my life. 
It’s time to shine.

I found the medicine I was looking for. I found it in the plants of the ancient jungle; I found it in the hands of the many healers I worked with; in the magical words and songs of the shaman; in the powerful energy of fresh water, air and blessed food; in the ocean’s swells as it cleansed my body and the sun’s rays as it warmed my soul; and in the unconditional love I received from myself and the many beautiful people I stumbled upon in my journey.

I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned. I discovered the power of my voice and was able to sing and speak in a way I never have before. I learned how to accept myself and this world for exactly as it is right now; for it is exactly as it should be. I learned that making plans is useless. Life unfolds the way it will and I have no hold on the reins. Letting go of the idea that I am in control is one of the most freeing feelings of my life. Moreover, I now understand how to receive. Be it help, food, medicine, touch or love, it is essential to be able to whole-heartedly receive the things I need to sustain my own vitality, and not be solely giving out, as I have always done. In truly receiving, we show more gratitude to the giver than words can say.

Above all, I learned the power of love over darkness. Love always wins.

While I still have much more work to do, I feel like I have laid the foundation for greater healing to take place. I have gained a confidence in my work and a drive to keep persevering.

On my last night in Cahuita, a sleepy beach town on the Caribbean coast, I sat with a dear friend on the beach, whispering together in Spanish as we listened to the waves tumble themselves onto the sand and gazed at the thick expanse of glistening stars. As a star whizzed across the sky, I pondered my wish upon the shooting star, but quickly realized, I have nothing to wish for. I have everything I need and everything is perfect. In fact, I have more to be grateful for than I could ever imagine.

With that, I give thanks to everything that has helped me on my journey. To the earth, to the stars, to the Universe and to all the people who have supported and loved me through thick and thin, and helped me get to this beautiful country to do the profound healing that I have done. You know who you are. Finally, I give thanks to my cancer. For it has been the catalyst for the most amazing, transformative journey I could not have dreamed to be anymore beautiful.

Salud.