Our Longest Journey is From the Head to the Heart

Pain. Can’t go around it, can’t go over it, got to go through it. My sister said this to me today and I was mad because I knew she was right. These times of despair that have gripped my life, holding all hope hostage, sometimes feel endless. That’s the nature of despair; it makes you feel like it will be around forever, like you will never be able to overturn the mighty leader that you never even asked to rule your world. I am so tired of being tired. It’s time to emancipate my mental slavery, as Bob Marley says, none but ourselves can free our minds.

There is a reason the tumor is in my throat. Too many years of not speaking my truth and shoving feelings down has created an obstruction in the very narrow passageway that connects my head to my heart. I am being forced to fight my way into myself to go deeper, and listen to the voice I have been ignoring for far too long. It’s time to stop thinking with my thoughts and start thinking with my heart. Unfortunately, my heart has been neglected after a life of learning to listen to my mind. The society we live in is one that honors the rational mind more than our heart voice, or intuition. We have forgotten how powerful intuition is; it is what connects us with the universe, the earth, each other and ourselves.

When I was given my diagnosis, it was my intuition that took over and said no, I will not do a treatment just because it is what everyone else who has cancer does. By all rational societal standards, what I am doing may seem crazy, but I do not believe humans are meant to heal by taking magical pills to erase our physical symptoms. And if it were, then why is almost half of our country still dying of cancer?

In a way, everyone has cancer. We all have our own cancerous demons that we face everyday, which keep us from reaching our highest potential. We become burdened by life’s inevitable traumas and entrapped in our emotional cycles. This can be anything from laziness, to anger, to depression, and whether we are aware of it or not, we are plagued by these emotions that keep us reacting to life instead of just being. I feel fortunate that I am forced to face my demons early in life. My body has created a distress signal warning me that if I do not change, I will die. I am given the opportunity right now to free myself from the negativity that I cannot afford to live with any longer. But now is the hard part. There is no way around it; I have to go through it. And I have a lot of work to do. But I can see the light at the end of this tunnel, and it is more beautiful than anything I have ever experienced.