I have spent so much of my time on this river of
life paddling with all my strength against the current. I didn’t even realize
how exhausting this truly was until I let go of the paddles, leaned back into
the water, and allowed the river carry me as I released all effort, stress and
fear. This river of life embraces us as we are pulled through its twists and
turns, its rapids and whirlpools, as well as its smooth and clear waters; but
the key to enjoying the ride is to surrender to the flow and allow all illusion
of control to dissolve into the water along with our worries and judgments. True
liberation comes in following the natural, synchronized flow guided by the
earth’s forces. Just like the river. Como un río.
I am at a very interesting time in my journey. I
have come a long way in my healing and traveled thousands of miles in search of
deep understanding and remedy for my ailments. But now everything seems to have
quieted. There is a part of me that can’t help but feel that it is a needed
calm before a great force of movement; like the stillness that follows the
exhale while anticipating the expansion of the next inhale. So here I am. In
between breaths.
I leave tomorrow for a trip to California with my
soul sister Samantha and our big, sweet dog. We are driving south with only a
little money, food, camping gear and clean underwear. We are looking for
adventure, perspective, connection and healing. One may not think that this is
what a cancer recovery regime looks like, but to me, this trip symbolizes my
ability to let go of the reins that I have held onto with white knuckles for so
long, and settle with ease into the flow of life. This freedom from stress,
frustration, judgment and anxiety has brought me greater healing than I ever could
have imagined. I feel unbound and worry free in a time where, in the past, I
would have been high on fumes of fear and unease. This serene tranquility has
brightened my world, often bringing me to question: What cancer?
